I knew it before I knew. If there is such a thing as instant pregnancy it for sure happened to me. I found out that I would be becoming a mommy on July 19! So much can change in a year, I went from day drinking in Miami to leaky boobs and mommy panties! As the cliche goes I wouldn’t have it any other way!
While pregnant I lived on baby tracking apps, getting lost in thread after thread of moms sharing their excitement, fears, and beautiful birth stories. I could not wait for my turn. I wish someone would have told me to enjoy each phase, I was so focused on counting down until the due date I don’t really even remember being pregnant (I also have terrible mom brain). The months flew by and we welcomed a beautiful baby girl into the world. Kamryn R Harris born March 26, 2019, my greatest love!
March 26, 2018
Birthing a baby is a feat I do not take lightly, growing and housing a life inside your womb is a gift I will never take for granted. Looking down and seeing her face for the first time on this side of earth was pure magic. The room was filled with love, so much so it was almost suffocating, I was definitely on a baby high. She was perfect!
I had no expectations of what type of baby I would end up with, but I did get pretty lucky. She was so easy in the early days. A great sleeper ate well, and rarely ever fussed. I had been around lots of babies before having my own, so I knew what this would be like, so I thought.
April 26, 2018
Postpartum is just as important as gearing up for birth! I repeat, POSTPARTUM IS EQUALLY AS IMPORTANT AS PREPARING FOR BIRTH. Do not get me wrong do your research know your stuff about labor and birthing a baby, but do the same research about postpartum, I don’t think I really even knew what happens after you have a baby like once the baby is out that's not it.
Baby girl is one month! What how? She changed so much in that quick first month, I had this mom shit down! She was on a schedule had a routine and was still sleeping so well. I am really someone’s mommy. I was going crazy having to stay in the house. The new baby high had faded. My boobs were finally healing from breastfeeding, The bleeding had stopped and I was done living in bathrobes and her daddy’s T-shirts. After 6 weeks in the house I packed the baby up and we went to my sister's track meet. I was standing in the stands screaming cheering on my little sister and honestly, I am still not sure what really happened but me screaming and the pressure from me screaming a gush of pee flooded my pants. I was so embarrassed, I managed to leave and get to my car without anyone paying me any attention. I sat in the front seat and held my new baby close and cried... this was all so new to me, I did not feel like myself. I had waited the full 6 weeks I should be healed. I had read something on a baby tracking app about this happening and it’s excusable while pregnant, but now it’s been an entire month since I had her. What the hell is going on?
It’s normal.
May 28, 2018
Kamryn is a go with the flow kind of gal. Her dad and I both are very easygoing. We’re a family on the go. I gave birth in Texas after living in Belgium for a while, but the plan was always to return back to our home in Tennessee. We loaded up two cars and drove 13 hours; me, my mom, and the baby, a little crazy I know! We drove through the night while Kamryn slept stopping every few hours to nurse her as needed. Super easy trip while she was that young. My mom only stayed a few days because she had to finally return back to work. Since having Kamryn I had never been alone just me and her someone was always there with us, I was so blessed with all the help.
Two weeks into being back settled in I had put Kamryn to bed and sat down to watch a movie. Thirty minutes into the movie she started to scream! Loud. It scared the shit out of me, Kamryn truly never cried. I tried for hours and hours to console her but she just wanted to be held. So I held her sitting on the floor of her nursery propped up against a bean bag chair smelling the top of her head, holding her little hand, watching her chest rise and fall. In this moment I realized how little I held her in those early days(with so many people around to help me she was always in someone else arms) as tired as I was from moving and catching up with friends I stayed awake well into the early morning and relished in the joy of looking at what her daddy and I created.
July 26, 2018
DADDY's HOME! It’s been a long season and too many months apart! Her dad was present for her
birth but had to return to work 2 days later! This would be his second time laying eyes on Kamryn in person and the first time any of his family would get to meet her! We flew into his home town and met at the airport. Daddy's and their little girls are something special. Walking through to baggage claim I could see her daddy's smile from clear across the airport. He was so excited! He picked her up and it took everything in me not to correct the awkward first-time dad holding a new floppy baby thing, I let them have their moment. Kamryn looked around attempting to put the voice she heard through the phone to a face. We were finally all together, my little family complete (cue new baby high...again). The weekend was packed, and because we were constantly doing something I figured that attributed to the sudden switch from my sweet easygoing baby to the new grumpy one who surfaced the last few days of the trip. I was exclusively breastfeeding and being told that I needed to feed Kamryn food,(assuming she was grumpy because she wasn't getting full off just breastmilk) although all my mommy apps, groups, and tracker things advised we wait until 6 months among meeting other milestones; throw in the fact I'm a first-time mom and have no idea what I'm truly doing, all the conflicting advice and crazy change in Kamryns temperament I WAS READY TO GO!
Let me preface by saying I should have stuck with my gut. My gut said she was just fine and breastmilk was just enough, but then all the unsolicited advice from people I trust; my mom and his mom gave their babies food before 6 months and all of their kids are fine( 'eyeroll' I KNOW). Did I also mention she was so grumpy. Nothing changed, she wasn't sleeping, I wasn't sleeping, it lasted a lot longer than I remember. We got through it. That month or so was hard. Later I learned that was called a four-month sleep regression. I read so much about it so that I would be better prepared for the next one. Is that as funny as it sounds?
October 25, 2018
First international trip! GREECE! 14 hours of travel with a 7-month-old baby was actually not that bad. Scheduled the flight later in the afternoon so that she got an afternoon nap while traveling and by the time we were on the long flight it was bedtime and she slept the entirety of that. Getting down to baggage claim to collect four bags and a two-piece stroller all while wearing a baby, not so easy! Two really nice gentlemen helped us through to the waiting area, her daddy was waiting on the other side. We get to the parking lot and somehow manage to shove all of our stuff into his tiny European car. Finally, WE'RE IN GREECE!
January 18, 2019
We have completely adjusted to Greek life. We are attending weekly Laki, taking stroller rides to our local square, and met some super cool mommy friends with babies around Kamryn's age. The absolute best part is we were all together! Kamryn's crawling! She’s really into everything and slowly changing from baby to almost toddler. Whatever that in between stage is. She’s got loads of personality and keeps us constantly laughing! First Thanksgiving she loved! In Greece, everything is done super late so I’m surprised she managed to stay awake that long! Christmas she was unenthused and I was super bummed because it was her first Christmas and I was eager to start our own traditions and our Christmas jammies didn’t arrive on time. Nonetheless, her dad & I enjoyed the day.
Greece was also a lot of growing pains. The first time her dad and I really got to parent together in the same space. It was also when I realized how lonely being a stay at home mom can be. I had a tough time figuring out that I could be Jasmine and mommy and those identities did not have to look the same. I remember trying to open a bottle of wine for her dad and me to have with dinner, and the cork broke off inside. I LOST MY SHIT! The days leading up to that had been terrible, the baby was awake every three hours, was skipping naps, her dad was gone for hours throughout the day, and when he was home the baby only wanted me. Up until this point, I knew what it meant to be exhausted but sleep deprivation is a whole nother world! The very next day her dad set up a masseuse to come to the house, I walked around the square and found a salon to do my hair, and I joined a moms group for foreign mamas living overseas. I needed to take the time to take care of me. I needed a break. In Greece, we battled hard. There were days I felt completely alone, lots of days I wish I could just drive up the street to my own mommy's house. Figuring out how to be mommy and daddy, but also be two people who loved each other separate from our baby is so tough.
Greece was such a pivotal moment in my journey. Life was different with a baby, especially in a foreign place with no family. We loved on each other when it was hard. We disagreed a lot, never in front of her. We enjoyed the good times (so many) and tried to stay positive through the hard times (you forget about most of them). Seeing the love between the two of them, made me love her daddy more and deeper every day. Thank you for knowing what I needed exactly when I needed it
It is okay to have bad days. Take breaks. Enjoy the good ones. Speak up.
February 26, 2019
ONE MONTH UNTIL 1! We're back in the states, made our way to Texas and we are back home in Tennessee. Kamryn is a full blown toddler. She is into everything. Loves to facetime her daddy. We have got her in gymnastics and she took an intro swim lesson as well. I am loving this age. She is expressive and opinionated, with tons of energy. It is bittersweet to be back home.
As one gets closer I spent a lot of time reflecting. When did she get so big? packing up tiny clothes into storage boxes, looking up toddler themed room ideas. Planning a first birthday party then deciding we should do something special just her and I. The nights I get to rock her to sleep have become far and few between. When we're playing in her nursey and she crawls into my lap for a cuddle, I always squeeze just a little while longer. I know we will have many more birthdays and this is just one, but this first one is so special to me. This year has been crazy. Fast and busy, I can't believe all we have done together, all the things you have seen thus far. I have learned so much and still learning every day. We did it little lady!
CHEERS TO THE NEXT BIG THING!
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