Kamryn will be 18 months on September 26th, I have been a mommy for an entire 18 months. She has done so much and gotten so big. We have moved and traveled and grown together over the last 18 months. One thing that I have learned is to roll with it, motherhood isn't all black and white. I remember around the time she was 6 months old, we had really gotten into a great routine. She was nursing well, we were getting out the house, we were all together in Greece, my mom/ life balance was exactly that; balanced, and for a second I thought "wow I got this" and then she learned something new, and shit changed. The things that once worked didn't work anymore, the stuff she once liked she decided she didn't, and my frustration grew from starting to second guess if I really knew what I was doing, I realized that she had so much growing and learning and developing to do that parenting/mothering her was going to have to change and evolve as she did and adjustments were going to need to be made.
My journey to motherhood from the beginning I feel has been incredibly unconventional but it works for us. I am not a single mother by definition but I parent alone(in the physical sense) for about 7 to 9 months out of the year. The amount of time we have Darnell home is precious and we live so in the moment during that time. The bond Kamryn and her papa have is honestly the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Darnell was meant to be a father to a little girl. We are fortunate enough that I was able to stay home for the first year of Kamryns life which allowed for us to be in Greece last year so the time away was limited, which was nice but also an adjustment. I forget what it's like to not have him around once he is home and when he is away I go through the adjustment of remembering what it is like to do everything without a partner.
Becoming parents has brought so much love into both of our hearts, I am the "spilling over with love" kind of person, while Darnell is more of a "you know I love you" type. Having Kamryn has softened his heart tenfold. We differ a lot in our parenting styles but also have tons in common. Things that I didn't think I would ever waiver on ("When I have kids I will never...") I have done complete 360s. Regardless of where we differ we always make the best decision that's in the benefit of our child. Our latest opposing view, being screen time, but that's a whole nother topic for an entirely different post. Before having a child we had lots of talks about children and parenting and we were pretty much aligned the same, but once that child is here in the flesh a lot of things shifted. I don't believe we need to have the exact same views on everything child-related in order to raise her to be an amazing human being. Over the last 18 months, he has brought things to the table that have changed my views while I have done the same, I think that as women we tend to take on more of the child-rearing responsibility when in fact the father should have just as much responsibility as the mother, and while Darnell is away I try my absolute best to make sure I don't take away that space that we have created for him just because he is not present physically. I adjust and some days are harder than others, I appreciate the time he is home more, I have a small understanding of what its like to be a single parent and I applaud anyone doing it alone, especially anyone who is not getting any help financially, although sometimes I would prefer him here in the physical than the monetary contribution, just know I see you.
Darnell and I met in 2011 a super casual encounter. I remember the first time we officially hung out over the Labor Day holiday weekend, Darnell was walking out of his house and coming to get in the car, I turned to my older sister and told her that he was going to fall in love with me and we were going to be together (I am a Gemini remember), remaining strictly friends for over 7 months I knew from that first day, that he was it. Fast forward to 2018 finding out I was pregnant and a little piece of me got scared. We aren't married and everyone I knew who had had a baby was no longer with their babies father for one reason or another. Now did I think Darnell was going to dip, no lol, but I know babies are hard on relationships, I know that they change feelings for some people and can add a lot of stress to a relationship. We had been together for 8 years at this point and if a child was going to change his mind so be it. It was for sure an irrational fear but a trigger for me at the beginning of my pregnancy, I was hormonal AF and he was away. Fast Forward to now and how things have evolved with a baby. Duh Darnell loves me and he goes out of his way to show me or tell me on a daily basis but his love has grown in a way that is hard to describe but you can see it. He has so much pride for what he has created with me, the way he beams with excitement to tell me when Kamryn does something new, the way he holds my body in appreciation for bringing forth life. There is so much love in our home.
Love has always been present between the two of us, but after having Kamryn we sort of forgot about each other. We adjusted to being parents very well, in my opinion, but adjusting to adding a baby into our relationship was a struggle. We joined Darnell in Greece when Kamryn was 7 months, dating in Greece was hard. Kamryn was still small enough to be in the infant car seat and be content but in Greece dinner is very late and she was not going to sleep in that thing. We would try and get out every once in a while; try and make it through dinner without her losing her mind, but the amount of baby free dates we had was far and few between. We did have friends who babysat for us from time to time while there but we were new parents, scared about everything. As time went on I missed him. I missed Darnell the person, I saw Darnell the daddy often but I felt incredibly disconnected from each other as people and as a couple. I didn't know this was the issue upfront and I voiced my concern in all the wrong ways. I have a need to be heard and when something bothers me I need to be heard right at that moment. Darnell needs more time to think over situations and is far less reactional than I am. Having a baby meant less spontaneity and more scheduling, and we are a very spontaneous pair. When we're together, we alternate planning the dates, and do every other week date nights. Of course, we are constantly spending time together but the time with just him and I is what I was missing. Darnell does a wonderful job when he is away of not just calling to talk to Kamryn or about Kamryn, he calls and has conversations with me that are about me. Once couples have kids it feels like the only things we ever talk about are our children and things that involve them. We have a date night rule that we can only talk about her twice then after that no more. It rarely works but we're working on it. We have always had a great sex life, and while pregnant I had heard and read all kinds of stories about how having a child changed couples sex lives and some in very negative ways. Tip, don't read all that bullshit when you're pregnant. Spare you the details but before he left I was having the best sex of my life. The last 18 months have gone by so quickly, taking this time to reflect really puts life into perspective. Raising a child is hard work, raising a child and maintaining balance within your life and relationships is hard, but we adjust. We find a new normal and I love this new normal for as long as it's ours until we must adjust again. I am so grateful to have the opportunity to parent with Darnell these last 18 months. Through growth and struggles, we both are constantly learning how to be the best parents for our child and the best partners for each other. Darnell is my absolute best friend I could spend every minute with him and enjoy his presence. I can easily say these have been the best 18 months of my life.
Thank you, Darnell, for growing with me these last 18 months. Thank you for constantly supporting me as Jasmine and as a mommy. Thank you for praying for me and with me, and for hearing me when I need to be heard. Thank you for always showing up. Thank you for choosing this family every single day! Lastly, thank you for creating this beautiful life with me. We have been parents for 18 months and we are killing it! As crazy and chaotic or unconventional as it may be. I would not trade this life with you and baby Kakes for anything in the world. I love you from a place so deep in my heart!
Becoming a mommy is life-changing. I am still early in the parenting game and taking thing as they come. Days are long and years are short. My definition of motherhood has drastically changed since becoming an actual mother. There are so many different types of moms, and to me, that was a bit overwhelming. The crunchy mamas, The free-range mamas, The type A mamas, and everything in between; honestly I am none, some, and all of that. There is no reward for being a perfect mommy and some days being a mommy really stinks and that's okay to say out loud. Over the last 18 months, I have learned to give people grace, especially mamas. It feels kind of cliquey in the mommy world. Finding my place and building my own "mommy clique" is still a work in progress but I have found a few people and they are really my people and its great. I have made lots of mistakes and I am sure I will make more, but along the way I have also figured out what being a mommy to my daughter looks like for me, and I protect that space at all cost. I don't care what choices other mommy's make for their children If I decide I don't want to be friends with another mommy it's more than likely because I don't like them as a person not because they don't give their child gluten-free donuts. 18 months is nothing compared to the life-time of mommying that I have left, but it feels pivotal. I feel accomplished and secure in my new role. I feel happy that I am able to make the necessary adjustments to keep pushing every day, for myself, for my baby and for my man. I am grateful that I get to make my own definition of mommy. Bring on the new challenges and along the way, I promise to celebrate every success. I'm blessed to have made it to today. To have created life from love and now see that love come to life.
To my baby girl:
Happy half birthday my love! You have forever changed me in the best ways! I am honored to have been chosen to be your mommy, to raise and guide you for all the days of my life! Cheers to full-blown toddlerhood! Love you always my sweet girl.
My journey to motherhood from the beginning I feel has been incredibly unconventional but it works for us. I am not a single mother by definition but I parent alone(in the physical sense) for about 7 to 9 months out of the year. The amount of time we have Darnell home is precious and we live so in the moment during that time. The bond Kamryn and her papa have is honestly the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Darnell was meant to be a father to a little girl. We are fortunate enough that I was able to stay home for the first year of Kamryns life which allowed for us to be in Greece last year so the time away was limited, which was nice but also an adjustment. I forget what it's like to not have him around once he is home and when he is away I go through the adjustment of remembering what it is like to do everything without a partner.
Becoming parents has brought so much love into both of our hearts, I am the "spilling over with love" kind of person, while Darnell is more of a "you know I love you" type. Having Kamryn has softened his heart tenfold. We differ a lot in our parenting styles but also have tons in common. Things that I didn't think I would ever waiver on ("When I have kids I will never...") I have done complete 360s. Regardless of where we differ we always make the best decision that's in the benefit of our child. Our latest opposing view, being screen time, but that's a whole nother topic for an entirely different post. Before having a child we had lots of talks about children and parenting and we were pretty much aligned the same, but once that child is here in the flesh a lot of things shifted. I don't believe we need to have the exact same views on everything child-related in order to raise her to be an amazing human being. Over the last 18 months, he has brought things to the table that have changed my views while I have done the same, I think that as women we tend to take on more of the child-rearing responsibility when in fact the father should have just as much responsibility as the mother, and while Darnell is away I try my absolute best to make sure I don't take away that space that we have created for him just because he is not present physically. I adjust and some days are harder than others, I appreciate the time he is home more, I have a small understanding of what its like to be a single parent and I applaud anyone doing it alone, especially anyone who is not getting any help financially, although sometimes I would prefer him here in the physical than the monetary contribution, just know I see you.
Darnell and I met in 2011 a super casual encounter. I remember the first time we officially hung out over the Labor Day holiday weekend, Darnell was walking out of his house and coming to get in the car, I turned to my older sister and told her that he was going to fall in love with me and we were going to be together (I am a Gemini remember), remaining strictly friends for over 7 months I knew from that first day, that he was it. Fast forward to 2018 finding out I was pregnant and a little piece of me got scared. We aren't married and everyone I knew who had had a baby was no longer with their babies father for one reason or another. Now did I think Darnell was going to dip, no lol, but I know babies are hard on relationships, I know that they change feelings for some people and can add a lot of stress to a relationship. We had been together for 8 years at this point and if a child was going to change his mind so be it. It was for sure an irrational fear but a trigger for me at the beginning of my pregnancy, I was hormonal AF and he was away. Fast Forward to now and how things have evolved with a baby. Duh Darnell loves me and he goes out of his way to show me or tell me on a daily basis but his love has grown in a way that is hard to describe but you can see it. He has so much pride for what he has created with me, the way he beams with excitement to tell me when Kamryn does something new, the way he holds my body in appreciation for bringing forth life. There is so much love in our home.
Love has always been present between the two of us, but after having Kamryn we sort of forgot about each other. We adjusted to being parents very well, in my opinion, but adjusting to adding a baby into our relationship was a struggle. We joined Darnell in Greece when Kamryn was 7 months, dating in Greece was hard. Kamryn was still small enough to be in the infant car seat and be content but in Greece dinner is very late and she was not going to sleep in that thing. We would try and get out every once in a while; try and make it through dinner without her losing her mind, but the amount of baby free dates we had was far and few between. We did have friends who babysat for us from time to time while there but we were new parents, scared about everything. As time went on I missed him. I missed Darnell the person, I saw Darnell the daddy often but I felt incredibly disconnected from each other as people and as a couple. I didn't know this was the issue upfront and I voiced my concern in all the wrong ways. I have a need to be heard and when something bothers me I need to be heard right at that moment. Darnell needs more time to think over situations and is far less reactional than I am. Having a baby meant less spontaneity and more scheduling, and we are a very spontaneous pair. When we're together, we alternate planning the dates, and do every other week date nights. Of course, we are constantly spending time together but the time with just him and I is what I was missing. Darnell does a wonderful job when he is away of not just calling to talk to Kamryn or about Kamryn, he calls and has conversations with me that are about me. Once couples have kids it feels like the only things we ever talk about are our children and things that involve them. We have a date night rule that we can only talk about her twice then after that no more. It rarely works but we're working on it. We have always had a great sex life, and while pregnant I had heard and read all kinds of stories about how having a child changed couples sex lives and some in very negative ways. Tip, don't read all that bullshit when you're pregnant. Spare you the details but before he left I was having the best sex of my life. The last 18 months have gone by so quickly, taking this time to reflect really puts life into perspective. Raising a child is hard work, raising a child and maintaining balance within your life and relationships is hard, but we adjust. We find a new normal and I love this new normal for as long as it's ours until we must adjust again. I am so grateful to have the opportunity to parent with Darnell these last 18 months. Through growth and struggles, we both are constantly learning how to be the best parents for our child and the best partners for each other. Darnell is my absolute best friend I could spend every minute with him and enjoy his presence. I can easily say these have been the best 18 months of my life.
Thank you, Darnell, for growing with me these last 18 months. Thank you for constantly supporting me as Jasmine and as a mommy. Thank you for praying for me and with me, and for hearing me when I need to be heard. Thank you for always showing up. Thank you for choosing this family every single day! Lastly, thank you for creating this beautiful life with me. We have been parents for 18 months and we are killing it! As crazy and chaotic or unconventional as it may be. I would not trade this life with you and baby Kakes for anything in the world. I love you from a place so deep in my heart!
To my baby girl:
Happy half birthday my love! You have forever changed me in the best ways! I am honored to have been chosen to be your mommy, to raise and guide you for all the days of my life! Cheers to full-blown toddlerhood! Love you always my sweet girl.
